To be able to deal with our conflicts effectively, and to be able to help others do the same, we need to have an adequate degree of emotional health and control.  How do we get it?  Depends on what our needs, our circumstances and our attitudes are ...  First, we need to be aware of our problems, then seek out and/or accept help and support when available.  Sometimes we're able to work towards changing the circumstances - and other times it's our attitudes that need changing ...
or maybe both at the same time.

Trying to find a good balance is not easy, and  it's an on-going effort.
The balance between our different needs, the balance between our needs and those of our families, friends, and others, is of key importance for achieving peace of mind.

It helps to realize that, while we can choose our words and actions up to a point, and our choices are very important, there are reasons for those words and actions, which are beyond our will, and beyond our awareness; and there are consequences of those choices, that are beyond our control. This means, we can not take full credit for our achievements, or full blame for our mistakes.  This attitude can help lessen anxiety and depression for people prone to self-blame; it could also help moderate some over-inflated egos. How would this view affect our system of rewards and punishment? Appropriate rewards are good motivators for continuing desirable behaviours - there is no reason to stop using them; "punishment" needs to become correction, and focus on the why of the behaviour, so that we have a chance to prevent further negative occurrences.

The goal is the increased well-being of everyone affected.



Charter for Compassion